And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
