my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
can u get pink eye on your cock?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
