Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
