I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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