So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
