omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
