i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
