He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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