"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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