where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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