hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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