Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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