i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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