When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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