Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
