Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
