Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
