I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
