I accidentally had phone sex last night
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
