I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
