the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
