There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
