I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Rumble strips road head = magical
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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