He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
