Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
