I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
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