3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
