Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
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