she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
FUCK WHALES
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