Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
