if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
