I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
