This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
