I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Randomize
