a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
