Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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