WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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