so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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