I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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