my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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