I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
