You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Randomize
