my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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