She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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