Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
