You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
