I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
