we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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