yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
