You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
