So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
