so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
