I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
