My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
