he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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