you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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