When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
you made out with another girl for some wings
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
